If ever he was in any pain (especially psychological) my soul would burn. The thought that I'm probably going to have to spend most of my life without my dad is completely intolerable. I think the ONLY thing that helps (and it doesn't help much) is hearing from other people who are also experiencing total devastation. Trust me, I am feeling exactly like you are. I think we'll get better, in fact I know we will. You need to comfort yourself whilst in this pain. Just accept that you've been hit by a freight train and you don't get up from that any time soon. You'll feel terrible, you'll feel helpless. All you need to do is keep waking up each day and process these thoughts.
You need to feel like this and not change a thing. He wouldn't want to see child go downhill, its not right. He brought you into this life when you was a little baby, and he adored you. Its extremly tough but what other option do we have? We can't cease to live too. All i keep thinking to that reply is "Yeah, but with him in my life, not out of it!" I too keep getting told "Your Dad would have wanted you to go on". I know, im the same and I feel like I need that advice too. You're totally crushed, helpless, and you don't see how you can go another day without him with you. The plaster has been completely ripped off and now you feel so isolated and alone.
We did everthing together, he was my business partner, my best friend, my adviser, and now he's gone. My Dad was my saftey net, the one I could turn to for advise. I've never felt love from anyone the way I did from him. The ONLY thing I want is to be with my father again - to wrap my arms around him and never let go. Without my father in my life, those things don't mean anything to me. I have no interest in starting my own family no interest in meeting somebody no interest in connecting with others. Life feels completely meaningless without him. My love for my father was deeper and more intense than anything else I've ever known. And now I have the rest of my life to be WITHOUT him. He wasn't just a "loved one." He was EVERYTHING to me. Some people never recover from the loss of a loved one. People telling me that things "get better in time." Maybe they do, maybe they don't. But I don't see how I can live a happy life without him. Yes, of course he would have wanted me to go on and live my life. People telling me to think about "what he would have wanted". Here are some things that I have NOT found helpful: I'm writing this post for one reason: to find other people who feel the same or at least similar. Every day now I have the pain of realising that he won't ever be with me again. He was the most remarkable and wonderful human being I have ever known (and will ever know). He was my oxygen, my sunshine, my everything. We communicated almost every single day in some way (although I have regrets about how I handled this, which I may share another time). He was my best friend, my soulmate, my inspiration, my confidant, basically the love of my life.
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